Aside

How am I not President?

I am a strong believer that the best leaders are not the smartest or best educated people in the room.  They are those that reflect on their own personal flaws and strengths and then build an army around them who support and add to their life.  I do not care if you are a fan or not… a great example of this is George W Bush. Was he the smartest guy on the planet? Probably not Most liked? Nope, definitively not. Did he have his flaws? Absolutely!! He was voted President of our amazing nation. He was the most powerful man on the face of the earth for not ONE but TWO terms.  Why? He was the perfect example of a leader in the true sense of the word. HE BUILT AN AMAZING SUPPORT SYSTEM.  One of his best (in my tiny not important opinion) Condoleezza Rice.

My point being, we all need a support system. As I sat down today to think about it… based on my circle, I have no idea…

1. How I am so lucky

2. How I am not president

(Names changed… they know who they are….. 😉

Saiti Evangeline – Ahhh Saiti. My polar opposite. We make absolutely zero sense on paper. I met Saiti the first day in a new school.  A girl I did know noticed we had the same schedule and asked her to show me around. Five minutes later? She promptly dumped me and I walked around lost and ended up in class late. I was HUMILIATED and decided that no matter how long it took, I would seek my revenge by making her be my best friend (hmmmm nope that makes no sense but it did at the time). It took me a solid three years but I did it. (Evil plan COMPLETE).  I am blonde, Saiti has been every color but. I wore pastels, Saiti wore BLACK. I did not wear jewelry, Saiti wore a ton. I never had detention, Saiti had detention/suspension/etc.  Saiti was brilliant and did not even have to open her book, I struggled daily. Saiti was  fashion icon before her time, I was NOT. Saiti didn’t talk because she didn’t care to speak to you, I wanted to be everyone’s best friend.  Saiti was GORGEOUS with milky white skin, huge eyes and creamy white skin. I was awkward, had freckles, glasses and mousy brown hair. Saiti was glamorous and mysterious, I was….just NOT. Saiti was rich, I was broke.  I can keep going but I think you got my point. Over the years… Saiti found her voice and has not shut up since.  I fell on my face a lot and retreated and became a bit more quiet.  Saiti had beautiful babies, I decided not to. Saiti easily (and I will beat her if she denies this) flows into and out of different parts of her life. I fall, pick myself up, FALL, pick myself up, FALL.

Basically…. we have not changed all the much since high school. 🙂 We make no sense. We frustrate each other in many ways. I am quite sure at one point she was banned from talking to me by her husband (he should have and I adore him as well) and she ignored him. She is my everything and my balance and…. Saiti is my home. You know how you feel when you go home after a long time? Saiti is my home. My gorgeous, brilliant, successful, unorganized, perfect timing, fashionable home.

Ray (as in the perfect southern fashionable family name for a gorgeous woman)

Ahhh Ray…. After college I made a crazy decision to move to Hilton Head, SC for an internship. I was broke, tired, scared and had nothing going for me. 🙂  I went down with a group of friends and found out I had been placed in an apartment with three girls from the same super expensive, very fancy, you need to be smart, practically Ivy League college. I had a panic attack. I KNEW these girls were all in the same sorority. I KNEW these girls were going to be blonde and beautiful and smart and adorable.  I KNEW I was going to hate them.  I sat there waiting with two guy friends and in walked Ray…… Let me give you the picture. Boys: Their eyes bulged and their jaws hit the ground (I still hate you both traitors). Ray walked in… blonde (check), gorgeous (check), perfect body (check), huge smile (check), cute little accent (check) and sweet as anything (check).  I hated her instantly. As she started to unpack we found something a little crazy… We had all the same stuff. Toiletries were all the same (WEIRD).  We started talking and we had a lot of similarities.  I still didn’t like her….. and I decided to seek my revenge… by making her be my best friend….. (do you see a pattern).  I was successful.

What I realized quickly is that Ray…. guys loved her and girls who wanted to hate her, could not even when trying.  I drank all summer for free. Why? “Hey, if I buy you a drink will you introduce me to your friend? “SURE. 🙂  What I realized after?? Boys were obsessed with Ray. She had NO IDEA either.  I watched boy after boy fall madly in love.  I watched boy after boy say they would do anything for her. One boy in particular, was Eric. He was the male version of Ray.  Girls just FELL for him.  I think of them just standing next to each other and it makes me smile. 🙂  Years later Ray met my dad…. who promptly and completely fell in total love with her. I stuck my finger down my throat when I heard him say the same thing EVERY guy says about Ray “wow, she is so gorgeous… I cannot explain it she is mesmerizing.” GROSS DAD…..

How Ray and I became friends, I will never understand. She had a million friends.  She was in college and had three jobs. I was working my first job and working crazy hours. We did not have cell phones. We did not have any money to pay long distance charges.  We only lived together six weeks.  However, almost 15 years later??? She is my world.  She is the ying to my yang. Ray is the perfect southern lady. She is polite and knows how to decorate and dress and manners. She can also cut you and do it with a smile and without breaking a sweat. I always spill something on myself, I have no idea how to decorate and what are manners? Ray is a bit more sensitive than I am. She can sense things I cannot, but sometimes she senses things that are not there to the extent she thinks they are and she drives herself insane.  Me, it has to be black and white in front of me. 🙂

Interesting thing about Ray and me??? We have never once discussed politics…. I think that is hilarious.  Which leads me to believe we are polar opposites, BUT it might be that we just think that and do not discuss. OR it might be that Ray is just so polite and well mannered and she just never discusses politics.

Ray is the girl I can call no matter how stupid or petty or huge the issue.  Ray is the one that calls me no matter how petty or stupid or HUGE the issue is. Ray is the one that listens to my advice. You know those times you just want to curl up and cry with chocolate? Ray is my chocolate that I want to curl up with. 🙂

I have many other people on my team and I will talk about them all. These are my two rocks. 🙂 It leaves me with my initial question, with a team like this HOW AM I NOT PRESIDENT?

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Well, bless your heart!!!! I will “cut” you!

Witty – showing or characterized by quick and inventive verbal humor

When I was growing up I started to realize things about my mom and dad…

Both – They were passionate about what they loved. First and foremost me… oh ya and the other one…. Liz, that is her name. Me and Liz. 🙂

Dad – Passionate, athlete, caring beyond words, voice that rocked buildings and scared people, dry humor,  flirt (not in bad way) and loving loving loving.

Mom – Passionate, smart, matter of fact, photographic memory, grammar goddess, loyal, and loving loving (oh she would cringe at my grammar on this blog) and……witty.

Growing up, especially around the church we were in at the time (at that age I was just beginning to see my mom as a person and not just as a mom). To avoid being mean I will not refer to the church with its given name… we will instead call it…. “cult” (isn’t that nice of me??).  So growing up and being age… 5-8 maybe?? I started to see my mom through others eyes.  Since we were sooo super involved in “the cult” those were the people I saw it through.  I remember two men specifically and watching them with my mom. They looked at my mom differently. To me my mom was.. my mom…caring loving best cuddler ever.  I started to notice something though. These men, in positions of leadership…business men… smart men… men I considered special. They sought out my mom. NOT IN THAT WAY… They sought out my mom because she had something.  Those men called my mom “susie”. NO ONE calls my mom “susie”.  Her name is Susan, always has been. These men… called her Susie… 🙂 and I never thought about it till years later. These men in leadership considered my mom an equal and therefor gave her a nickname.  My mom was smart, very smart.  She was smart in the end days of “women should not have to be smart”. My mom was FAST, her thoughts process faster then others. You know those times that you think of the PERFECT thing to say hours after the conversation? My mom does not have those thoughts, the words magically come together instantly and perfectly in that moment. My mom is witty…. REALLY witty. Of course on the other side of witty is cutting.  She was NEVER like that with me or with any child. She was so great and caring with kids.  With adults, do not cross her…. she will “cut you”.  I remember her talking to others in “the cult” and seeing her talk way above their heads. They never had any idea. That was the first time I realized everyone is different.  I was around many people at that age that had that blank stare look, do you know what I mean? I live in the South now and the term I would use for those with that stare is “well bless your heart”. Lets just say I knew my mom was different then most moms (not all, I had more than a few smart woman in my life).

All my life I thought I was very much my father’s daughter. I have many of my dad’s core characteristics. In all honesty, both his wonderful characteristics and his (cough cough) annoying ones.  I thought I was Ralph E Tucker Jr with an extra quadruple dose of heavy sarcasm and none of the caring lol.  Recently… I have come to realize I am also my mom’s daughter. How and why? In the past four months 12 friend have called me “witty”. To which I responded ‘you should meet my mom, you do not know the definition of witty”.  

Do I think I am witty? No, mostly because my mom is so witty I would not begin to put myself near her in that category. What I do have… is that crazy ability to say the perfect thing at the perfect time.  I can even argue both sides of any argument (thank you 7th grade debate class).  I remember the teachers pulling me aside and saying “Jennifer, very few people can do that.” Do what? Think of things to say and say them? Oh ya….super hard (eye roll).  What I have learned since is….man… that is a super power that can be used for good or evil.  In total disclosure…. here is a conversation I just had with my boyfriend.

Dave: You should have been a lawyer, you can argue people into corners (I had just made him almost cry after bursting into the bathroom to confront him with solid facts to end our fight. PS Joel Olsteen does not collect a paycheck from his church. If you want to fight with me about it… you know where I am. PPS I will “cut” you.)

Jen: “Ya… well the scary part is I only say 10% of what comes into my head.”

Dave: “10%?????? Dear God…. what is the other 90%????”

Jen: “Well 10% more is factual but would cause tears…. the other 80% is just plain cutting.”

It’s true. I sit there most times and filter out 90% of what is in my head. I have never admitted that….. to anyone.  If people could see what is stated in my brain? Dear God………….. So I think everyone has a super power. That one ability we all have to be used for good or evil.  Mine is something I do not quite have a harness on so I let it dwell happily in my head.  Those perfect statements that make people laugh. Those perfect statements that could also make people cry.

Dave asked me once why sometimes (VERY rarely) when I am especially passionate about something that I seem to “come alive” and “become another person” and impress the pants off him. To which I responded, “because when I am super passionate about something I take off the filter. Me without my filter… is pure Jennifer E. Tucker.” I then pointed out to him that those that really know me really well.. very rarely ask me my opinion about anything. I always thought no one really cared what my opinion is (which is fine). Now I realize….. 🙂 those are the same people that probably know I am a little like my mom.

So next time we are having a conversation and you see that sparkle in my eye come and go? I just internally made myself giggle…. wouldn’t you love to know what I was thinking??????? 🙂

You may refer to me only as “Ms. Pissy Pants Jenny”

 

I have a few alter ego’s.  I am (and my mommy had me tested ~ Sheldon) a certified introverted shy gal. Meaning, I should be the wall flower sitting in the corner making sarcastic comments internally about your conversation. Challenge is? I am not. I am listening, oh am I listening… but I am talking to. I feel the need to constantly be “on stage” and at parties I am in constant character as an extrovert trying to make everyone laugh.  

Jenny –  (Authentic) Introverted shy sharp witted gal. Usually alone enjoying life with my dogs. Obsessed with reality tv because I love to see other people in their worlds, fascinating.  Loner and always listening…. small circles and a handful of GREAT friends and family.

Tucker – (FAKE) Extroverted smart ass and an excellent conversation starter.  There is NOTHING I love better than making people laugh (usually at my boyfriends total expense which he takes in stride.)  I love to argue and I love to talk people into corners and make them submit.   SARCASTIC and can only battle that with quick hugs and smiley faces on emails.  

I could be declared bi-polar as I have an infinite trust in God and His hand in my life. I am positive that all things work out in life and still hold dearly onto the fact that if you smile and work hard, good things will come.  On the other side, man do I get down on my down days.  When I am not “on stage” or “entertaining” (ha mostly myself to be clear) I get so down that “Jenny Pissy Pants” comes out to play.

Jenny Pissy Pants is mean. I do not like her. She is probably about five years old and she does not smile, share toys or have any happiness. She is the one in the grocery store totally throwing a hissy fit over bubble gum.  

She has been coming out a lot lately. I am quite sure it is because I do not have a job and I am not contributing in anyway. My goal is to get a job as quickly as possible so that I can lock her in my trunk for a solid decade or two. Oh that is right… little Ms. Pissy Pants…. LOCK YOU IN A TRUNK.  

On a side note… I realized today Joel Olsteen makes all his money on book sales.  I think I need to write a book.

Eye on the horizon (INSERT BUMP HERE)…..

So I am going on month five with no job. Take a look at the word “terrified” in the dictionary and I believe the definition is “So I am going on month five with no job.”  I have more to say on that but will wait till later.  Today I wanted to talk about one of the positive steps I am taking to fix my mess.

Someone once told me that you have to keep your eyes on the horizon. That is meant in every sense of the meaning.  You want a job, you have to keep your eye on the prize. You want to run long distances, you have to literally keep your eyes up and on the horizon.  Lately, I have taken that advice to heart and have been trying to keep my eyes always on the horizon no matter where I am walking.  There is a small problem though… I broke my arm tripping a few months back and it is a struggle for me to keep my eyes off the ground. My instinct is to look down and keep myself in constant defense mode looking for things trying to trip me up.  Try I do though. I was at the dog park this week and for the fifth time in five days while walking I tripped over a tree stump. This time I really tripped big time and dropped my phone and skinned my knees.  As I was sitting there wondering why God hates me…. this came to mind….

This is a great example of life.  How many times have we all had our “eye on the prize” or “the end in sight” or “looking at the horizon” only to trip over some obstacle? I can take it a step further and say that in my life I seem to trip over the SAME obstacle in life again and again and again.  No matter it is in the same spot and I know it is coming, I still trip.  The same things always seem to bring me to my knees. How many times in life when we should be looking up are we looking down in a defensive mode trying to protect ourselves? What are we missing when we are looking down? How many times however are we so open to anything that we trip???

As I sat there contemplating my brilliant thought my dogs came to the rescue and started licking my face and nudging me.  I got back up, wiped off my phone and just kept walking. I have passed that stump now about 20 times (all while keeping my eyes on the horizon and yes I have been counting STOP JUDGING) and have not tripped again.  Maybe………. maybe it took that last time, the 5th time for me to get the point.  “THERE IS A STUMP THERE BLONDE GIRL.”

I am going to take the lesson and apply it to my life. I am tired of tripping. I think I got the point after this last fall. I firmly believe, I am finished tripping (at least in this same spot). I am getting up, wiping myself off and moving forward.

And you cannot stop me…. unless you are a tree stump and then you have a fair chance.

I think God wears red lipstick… there I said it…

 

I am a firm believer that God appears in human form to all of us through out our lifetime.  I have no reason to believe that but it is a firm a belief as I have belief that God exists.  I remember hearing a story as a child of God appearing to someone several times during the course of an evening. Each time the person pushed the strangers/paupers off. At the end of the night/story it is revealed that all of those visitors were God. It could be that since I heard that story as a child I believe so firmly. There have just been odd people in my life, quick visitors, that I just stop and realize….. are special.

I met someone yesterday. She didn’t even speak to me. I do not know why she grabbed my attention and that feeling in the bottom of my heart and soul.  I was in the dog park and taking my daily stroll.  I never ever really notice people, just mostly the dogs. Yesterday I saw her. My guess is she was in her 80’s, possibly older. She was dressed to impress and with a dog much bigger and more active then she should probably have. She appeared….grumpy….or quiet maybe.  The second I saw her I stopped and said hello. She didn’t want to talk and she didn’t appear to even want to say hello. She was surprised I had said hello.

I don’t know why I feel the need to talk about her. I have many other thoughts and blogs…. but I feel the need. I have no idea why her image is stuck in my head. Why I think that it was God saying hello to me. Perhaps God showing me my future…

All I know is this beautiful older woman was wearing bright red lipstick perfectly applied.  So now I am quite convinced God wears red lipstick….there I said it. 🙂

Manifesting……

I heard two interesting statements this past weekend (because I am listening so hard to everyone my ears hurt).

1. Find someone whose job you want in five years and go and talk to them about how they got there.

2. Everyone has bad days, dark times, highs and lows. Everyone feels ecstatic and despondent no matter how rich, poor, happy, sad etc they are.  Everyone has days they feel on top of the world and days they feel as there is no one that could save them. So chin up buttercup.

So I am trying to keep number 2 in my head as I write this.  I am so frustrated. I know I can manifest what I want, but for some reason the job is still alluding me.  I really took time this weekend (my dogs have never been on so many walks).  I realized a. I cannot figure out one thing to do with any of my interests. b. I really want a job at IHG.  So lets tackle a. first. I love dogs passionately, I really do. I would love to open a doggy daycare if money was falling off trees. I know if there was a need I could beg borrow and steal this money. BUT THERE IS NO NEED. There is literally a doggy daycare on every corner.  Ok so tea parties, dress up, doll houses. OMG THERE ARE ABOUT 100 different companies in Atlanta that do that.  I love credit reports and personal finance.  However all that works for is non-profit (10 dollars an hour) and I cannot even find open positions for that. I also LOVE full health benefits, 401k matches, pensions etc. They make me literally SMILE 🙂 so… lets roll back into my interests and the corporate field.

So I figured lets find a niche doggy daycare that has not been filled. Ha, there are daycares for under 15 lbs, for border collies, for over 50 lbs, for under 50 lbs, for sick animals, for only well animals and I can go on.

Which brought me back to I REALLY loved my jobs at IHG and USIT. I just hated some people and I hate the constant travel. Well, that is not true. I loved travel I just missed home.  Which brought me to b. I could work for IHG which is based in Atlanta. This would be a corporate job, little to no travel. I have experience oozing out my ears…… Ok good, there is my goal.  So I am going to work towards that.  I do love hotels and I love hospitality.  I also love my desk and my office space.  I love time with my dogs and workouts and family and IHG is very 9-5.  Ok, so the challenge…. I have reached out to my 20+ contacts there and nothing. I have interviewed there and nothing. I have even had people personally reach out to hiring managers with open jobs to send my resume…and nothing. I even had a friend stomp into the office of a director and demand to know why I had not been interviewed…nothing.

So this week I am going to really manifest IHG. I am going to put my heart and soul into it. If a job gets posted that I qualify for I am going to move heaven and hell to make it happen.

Grammy Tucker..

My parents did something brilliant when I as younger. They had our family move into a house with my grandparents.  I thankfully, was right around the perfect age (other than my age right now which I will get to).  I was old enough to form lasting memories and young enough to actually want to spend time with my grandparents.  By the time we all moved in together (although I knew they truly loved each other) they had declared war with each other. I actually realized not too long ago that although there were a few more reasons, one of the reasons I am so even keel and ying to peoples yang and refuse to fight…. is because I watched them.  I adored my grandfather even if I was a bit perplexed and scared (in a respect way) of him. He said things I did not understand but I knew he adored me.  He would pretend he forgot my name and would call me Magilikati and I would through little temper tantrums that he could not remember “Jenny”. Now I know it was his humor (because my dad is the EXACT same way). He once came in the door with a chocolate bar and said he had bought it for me but realized I did not like chocolate so he would have to eat it.  I teared up and my grandmother said “Ralph, please stop teasing the child”. As I got older I realized he always had a twinkle in his eye when he was teasing and I would always look for it.  I remember one year he made “egg bread” and kept insisting I dig into it…. I realized somehow he had actually baked it with a chocolate egg in the middle…. he was forever my hero after that.  My dad challenged my sister and I once to one hour of tv a day for a year.  My grandfather (twinkle twinkle) told me that if I closed my eyes during the commercials it did not count towards the time.  I also remember now that we always seemed to get four shows into that hour… NOW I realize he was just so happy that we were sitting with him, he probably allowed us to watch a solid two hours of tv. (Off subject does anyone else remember “RIP Tide”? That was a great show).  It was only decades after his death that my uncle was reading a book and realized my grandfather was a subject in the book!!! MY grandfather had climbed on his submarine IN the ocean and fixed something…. Which makes me wonder why my father and I both open up boxes backwards and upside down.

It was this morning smiling thinking of my grandfather trying to trick ME into thinking I was tricking my DAD just to spend more time with me…. that I started thinking of my grandmother. My grandmother lived well past my grandfather.  She went from sad to hostile after his death.  I could go on and on with stories about her but this morning I started thinking… “who was her best friend?”. “Was she sad when she moved out of her home she had lived in all her married life to NH with us?” “Did she mourn grandfather when he died?”  “What did she love to do?” “How did her sisters death at such a young age effect her?” “What was she great at/what did she hate to do?”

I loved my grandmother and I lived with her for close to a decade but I know more about my mom’s best friend when I was 16 than my grandmother.  I know she was beautiful. I know she lost her sister at a very young age. I know she was angry and confused in her last many years. I know she loved to smoke and I know she always had Hermits and Andy’s Candies. I know she wore the same necklace all the time I knew her and I wonder where it is now.  I also knew that when she was tired, hungry, fell or had to go the bathroom she would scream for my Uncle Ronnie.  I also know when she was tired, hungry, fell or had to go the bathroom it was my dad that came running.  That made me angry at her, probably too angry.  I was just protecting my dad, but I am sad I was so mad at my grandmother in her final years… and I wonder who her best friend was………

Lastly, I wonder when I pass if anyone will remember who my best friends were? Will anyone know how much I loved my sister? Which leads to a WHOLE other story about having kids but that is for another day….

Frenemy….. the true definition….

I always was confused by the term Frenemy… then my bff started getting on my case with many things that made quite a bit of sense. She is so irritating…errr I mean right, she is so RIGHT.  So let me fast forward. November, December and most of January have passed with no blogs.  So catch up, still no job (STRESSED) but I am on day 17 of a strict Whole30.  I will go more into that tomorrow. Ok back to my frenemy. (Am I even spelling that right, where is a 13 year old when you need one?) 

So my bff has challenged me that I might be unemployed because I am not looking for my real calling in life.  It is much more complex than that but I tried to capture her in a nutshell. Which now that I think about it is close to impossible and I am very proud of myself for attempting. So I sat down and just let my mind go crazy and came up with the following. So no one will think I have no faults… I tried to stay positive and only talk about the positive/good qualities I have. Why did I skip the negative? 1. My bff would kill me 2. She would roll her eyes at me and that is worse than her killing me 3. I would have been exhausted typing for 8 straight hours with all of my faults. 🙂 

Tomorrow I will go more into the Whole30 stuff but for today….. Here is what I came up with:

Dear Frenemy,

 

January 18, 2013

 

Day 17 of Whole30

 

I feel much better than last weekend. I am sleeping like the dead (interestingly no dreams about food) but no longer exhausted during the day.  Cravings are not crazy but I am avoiding going out much. Feel really good but my pants fill a tad tighter grrrrr.

 

What makes me happy:

 

Dogs, cleaning, organizing, credit reports, budgeting, watching/reading true crime, reading, memorizing, writing to make people laugh through telling stories.

 

What gets me excited:

 

Talking in front of people about subjects I know, being a subject matter expert, listening and watching, having all the answers, being in charge as the number 2 (because we all know the number 2 really does everything J). Debating about things I know I am right about.

 

Career Options: Opening a doggy daycare, becoming a groomer, working for a doggy daycare, opening a cleaning company, working for a cleaning company, becoming a specialist in organizing, become a financial advisor, become a lawyer, become a speaker/subject matter expert, become an administrative assistant, become an office manager, become a house manager, become a personal assistant.

 

What I am good at:

 

I have the personality and looks to be a number one, but being number two brings me far greater joy.  I can see the big picture but I love the little details that make it up. I can be a politician and convince people I agree with then while finding a way to do what I know is best and convincing them it was their idea in the first place.  I can sense what people need or want usually before they even realize it (as a tour guide I could tell in five minutes the type of tour not only the director of the group wanted but what the group wanted. Most people cannot do that I have come to realize). I am a watcher and a listener and I find trends/patterns and then circumvent and prepare.  I see things faster (operationally) than most and I can fix the bigger picture by sensing the small detailed challenges.  I CARE, I care about everything I am part of.

 

What I want:

 

A big huge animal farm paid for completely with no debt.  Possibly in Georgia so I can be outside all year with my animals. Have horses and dogs and maybe a few smaller animals for kids to play with.  I want the inside to be completely decorated and organized and clean. Comfortable and large enough that my dogs can be anywhere in the house but clean enough that non-animal lovers would feel comfortable there to.  I want BIG huge leather couches that are deep and you fall into, a huge wrap around sectional. Big comfy blankets everywhere.  Have people that work for me in the stables while I travel so all the animals are taken care of.

I also want a house in Portsmouth, NH within walking distance of downtown paid for completely so I can go home whenever I want.  Large enough to entertain my friends. A big chef’s kitchen and more huge leather sectional deep comfy leather sofas.

I would like to be a subject matter expert. I would like a job that gave me the flexibility to work from the office or my house depending on my mood that day.  I would like to travel when I want and even speak about the subject matter.

I want to travel a few times a year to NYC, San Francisco, Costa Rica, etc.

Pay off my parents condo completely and let them go back and forth between my farm and their condo when they want without having to worry about money.

 

Oh tomorrow where are you

So recap on yesterday. I “cried”, whined and threw little fits but I did not have soda. Other than REALLY wanting one I had no withdrawal symptoms.  I only drank water all day (and drank one gallon).  The Red Sox played last night so I stayed up to watch the game. Then I HAD to watch two shows after that on the DVR.  Good news is I was strangely wide awake which I thought was odd with no caffeine.  This morning Dave got up at 7 am and I got up and made him lunch. I felt sluggish and Halo and Jax were all curled up so I crawled back into bed for five minutes.  I woke up three hours later. I basically slept for 10 hours.  Dragging myself out of bed, I thought I was going to collapse onto the ground.

I also ran (ok walked and ran) three miles. Today I am going to run and do Insanity. My goal is to run further than yesterday.

So I am on the right track:

Drank a gallon of water

Did not have soda 

Ran/Walked 3 miles.

And I lied, due to the degree of tired I will be eating well today but starting paleo tomorrow!!!!!!

My name is Jenny and I am a coke addict…….

So it is actually 10/28 this was created but the title hit me last night and I did not want to forget it!! Ok, day one and the first rule is to admit your problems…. and my name is Jenny….and I am a coke addict. Specifically, diet coke.  I am not “fat” in today’s standards. I am NOT thin and not very healthy but I am lucky that I “wear my clothes well”. (That is what I hear anyways).  I do drink diet coke to excess. 2 liters a day? AMATEURS I say.  I was just reading a few articles on giving up drinking soda and one author mentioned a man in the Philippines that drank 8 cans of soda a day. 8?? Again, I say AMATEUR. At one point of my life I was easily spending $100-$150 a month on soda (hmm including diet coke and captain lets push that up to $200).  I have tried so many times to give it up and once, it was for about six months. I remember I had just started dating my now fiance and I decided to give up diet coke as he was teasing me about it. Three days I was in bed, nightsweats, fever, chills, stomach pain, headaches. It finally reached the point where I went to the emergency room because this was more than withdrawal, I must have the flu.

NOPE…. the doctors told me I had one of the worst case of withdrawals they had seen. Seriously… I HAVE A PROBLEM.

People always ask me when it started. I was raised in a home with NO SODA. I had the best mom ever about that.  Even in high school, when I had extra cash I bought a “Clearly Canadian” sparkling water and thought that was CRAZY!  I then got to college and was handed a meal card, red flag one…I can buy ANYTHING in this whole place? That is when I started drinking soda, but maybe one a day and I could go many days without.  After college I took an internship making $7 an hour. I look back with fondness as I met a dear friend over this time but we were poor. If someone left us a tip (oops back up I was a housekeeper in a nice hotel) it was a dollar or two. We were always hungry so we would run to McDonalds and buy a cheeseburger and a diet coke. I can still remember how happy that Diet Coke made me.  Over the years I was promoted from hotel to hotel. The hours got longer and the stress was overwhelming at times. The one item each hotel had??? FREE SODA in the form of a soda fountain.  Addicts always have a special way they like their drugs, I happen to love mine in the form of a fountain soda. NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPIER.

So today, I sit at this computer and admit I have a problem. I have a 24 oz glass of water beside me with a hot cup of water with a half a lemon squeezed in. I WILL drink a gallon of water today (slowly through out the day) and I will NOT drink Diet Coke.  When I have a craving, I will take a walk or play with my dogs or read a chapter in my new book.

Last night I slept for nine hours but it was not a restful sleep. I tossed and turned and woke up again and again. I will go into more about the why of that on Wednesday but…I did it 9 hours and no tv.

Tomorrow we will discuss my new eating plan. I start today on that as well!