Do you hear those voices? How can you not hear those voices? They are so clear…. All of them telling me in their own special way that I am worthless. All of them telling me with their smirk “I told you so”. All of those people from my past who felt the need to point out my flaws.
I feel like I am standing naked in New York’s Times Square. All of those people from my past pointing and laughing and just being mean.
Yep, I am having a really bad day. I am scared, very scared. I was actually having a really good week until about an hour ago. I was feeling positive and motivated. A dear friend of mine found a great job in three days and just received an offer. I am SO happy for him! I felt that motivated me and encouraged me. I jumped on my computer to find out a job that I know I had nailed the phone interview…… had just emailed me to tell me that I had not been even selected for a sit down interview. This is not a job past my skills or well underneath my ability. It was a job that directly used my experience and skills… and…. I…..did….not…..get…..an…….interview.
I am tired of sitting in my living room. I am tired of having anxiety. I am tired of waking up and thinking “TODAY IS THE DAY” and going to be bed saying “TOMORROW IS THE DAY.” I am tired of being angry, motivated, discouraged, etc. I am REALLY tired of people complaining about their jobs. I am really tired of beating myself up for making the choice to move here.
I am tired and I just want to go home. I just want the voices to stop.